Friday 4/1

Hello, my name is Enrico. I am the new intern
at North County Wine Company. Jim and Bill,
those lazy bastards, are working me brutally
hard and not paying me at all. I hate them.
But that’s not important right now.

I’m here to tell you about this Friday’s tasting.
The cost is $10. The time is anywhere between
4:00 and 9:00 pm. They tell me it will be fun,
but they’re probably lying. Those jerks.

You’ll be tasting 7 wines that will most likely
be horrible, along with appetizers that could
very well be disgusting. Here’s the lineup:

Ancient Peaks Cabernet 2009, $13.97 (this was blind taste #1)
Cantine Valpane Barbera 2008, $12.97 (#2)
EQ Pinot Noir 2007, $19.97 (#4)
L’Aventure Estate Cuvee 2008, $69.97 (#5)
Chronic Sofa King Bueno 2009, $15.97 (#6)
Luna Sangiovese 2008, $17.97 (#3)
Santa Rita Cabernet Medalla Real 2007, $15.97 (#7)

This is all overpriced swill that pigs wouldn’t drink.
But that’s not important right now.
Just come down to the wine bar this Friday, 4/1,
and try to have a good time. Pretend if you have to.
Pretend real hard.

The idiots who run this place think they’re
gonna “fool” you by making you taste these
blind. Whatever. I hate them. They also say
whoever can match the wines with their
written descriptions will get the tasting for half price.

But that’s not important right now.
Just come taste their stupid wines so
they’ll get off my back. Thank you.

Grudgingly, we have attached Enrico’s tasting notes:

ENRICO THE INTERN’S TASTING, 4/1/11

GARBAGE IN A BOTTLE
Jim is an idiot.  How anyone that stupid can own a wine shop is beyond me.  The Santa Rita Medalla Real Cabernet 2007 is Einstein by comparison.  It sports a lot of vanilla toast, but has a good core of raspberry and blackberry fruit behind it, giving way to more vanilla and licorice hints on the finish.  Lots of tannic weight and grab give it power and structure to balance the ripe fruit.  88 points Wine Enthusiast.  $15.97.

PURE LIQUID YUCK
Then there’s Bill.  The philosopher.  I got your “benevolence” right here, pal.  But there’s nothing to ponder with Chronic Cellars Sofa King Bueno 2009; just enjoy it.   A blend of 7 different grapes, it’s inky purple, fresh, and bright.  A glass full of ripe berries with a dash of pepper and a splash of dark chocolate.  Pretty damn tasty.  $15.97.

CRIMINALLY ABUSED GRAPE JUICE
Could Jim be any skinnier?  When he turns sideways and sticks his tongue out he looks like a zipper.  The EQ Pinot Noir 2007, though, is much more kick-ass.  It shows off alluring aromas of cherries, roses and rich earth in support of delicious blackberry, spice and cherry flavors.  Solid structure and good grip for a Pinot of this price.  90 points Wine Advocate.  $19.97.

A FROG IN A BLENDER WOULD BE BETTER
Bill thinks he knows wine.  Hah!  He wouldn’t know Burgundy from Boone’s Farm.  The L’Aventure Estate Cuvee 2008, a blend of Syrah, Cab, and Petit Verdot from Paso Robles, certainly ain’t the latter.  Very dark, with aromas of cedar box, wild blackberries, black cherry and beef.  Enormous on the palate, the blue and black fruit rides herd over anise and cola accents, with orange rind and spice emerging on the finish.  Spectacular.  $69.97.

VICIOUSLY AWFUL
I can’t believe someone actually married Jim.  Geez.  That boy fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.  The Cantine Valpane Barbera 2008, on the other hand, is lovely.  The nose reveals classic Italian dirt underlying dusty black cherries, with rich juicy berries on the palate alongside cedar and graphite notes.  Great balance among fruit, tannins and acidity make this a great food wine.  88 points Tobins.  $12.97.

SEWAGE, ANYONE?
I’ve heard folks describe Bill as friendly, helpful, a man of character.  Right.  Guess they haven’t seen an FBI Most Wanted poster recently.  The Luna Sangiovese 2008 is also wanted, but for the right reasons.  Cherries and red currants on the nose with floral and soil notes are reminiscent of Tuscan Sangiovese.  Spicy, bright red fruit flavors carry a dusting of tannins and hints of mocha.  89 points Stephen Tanzer.  $17.97.

AN ASSAULT ON YOUR PALATE
Jim and Bill.  The dorky duo.  The buffoon brothers.  The wino weirdos.  I hate them.  But I love the Ancient Peaks Cabernet 2009.  Crazy good for the price, and incredibly consistent, it boasts chewy flavors of blueberry, black currant, mint and mocha.  Good, smooth mouthfeel and a balanced finish.  A no-brainer, kinda like Jim and Bill.  $13.97.