Haunting Tasting Notes For Friday, 10/26/12

Wine hero Sterling Rubicon reappears in this special Hallo-Wine Edition of tasting notes!

RHIANNON (WELSH WITCH) RED 2010
Sterling Rubicon is a wine hero for the ages, a man among men, strong and unshakeable, fearless in the face of danger. Touring Napa on Halloween evening, he spots an unfamiliar sign, the words “Ghost Woods Winery” pulsing blood red in the light of a full moon. He motions for his driver and sidekick, Caymus Montelena, to pull in. He sips this juicy blend, enjoying its aromas and flavors of cherry, raspberry, and spicy vanilla, wondering where his sudden sense of foreboding came from. $11.97.

ZUCCARDI Q MAL-BEC 2010
They cruise the fog-shrouded, willow-lined driveway, stray branches scraping their Lincoln like skeletal fingers. Sterling downs a taste of this, relishing its “inviting scents of cedar, Asian spices, lavender, and black cherry that lead to a plush, dense, layered,” mouthful of deliciousness. He gapes at the winery building, whose dark, sunken door and windows make it look like a giant skull. Sterling can’t help but shiver from an inexplicable chill that reaches deep into his marrow. $19.97.

J. LOHR TOWER (OF TERROR) ROAD PETITE SIRAH 2010
A chilling breeze slaps them like a cold, dead hand as they step out of the car. Caymus nervously gulps this, comforted by its rich, voluminous aroma and flavor profile of browned butter, toasted hazelnut, and ripe blackberries. A soul-piercing scream stabs the night air. Sterling and Caymus bolt for the entrance. $18.97.

DEAD LETTER OFFICE SHIRAZ 2008
They burst inside to find a decidedly lovely but unfortunately lifeless woman on the tasting room floor, her name tag reading “Vella Rose.” Sterling avoids the stink of death by burying his nose in a glass of this, enjoying its deep aromas of vanilla and bright, boysenberry fruit. He drinks in its ripe yet elegant flavors, which follow the nose, with savory notes of coffee and roasted meat added. $19.97.

GREY (WERE)WOLF CELLARS BIG BAD WOLF 2010
Sterling shakes his head at the sight of the broken wine glass in her right hand and the two bite marks on her neck. “What fiend destroys a beautiful young life and a perfectly good Riedel in one fell swoop?” A rumbling, menacing growl comes from the dark hallway leading to the barrel room. Caymus fortifies himself with a slug of this, with its explosion of briary red fruit, jam, and oak notes. $22.97.

ZINZILLA ZINFANDEL 2009
They dash down the hall, chasing heavy footsteps that disappear into a fluttering of wings. They leap into the barrel room, where Sterling downs a quick glass of this, smacking his lips from its jammy layers of blackberry, boysenberry, and raspberry, with accents of chocolate, pepper, and spice. Caymus grabs a thief and dips it into a nearby barrel. “What kind of oak is this, boss? American, French, Hungarian?” Sterling eyes the barrel with dismay. “Transylvanian. Don’t drink that!” He knocks the thief away just before the liquid gushes into Caymus’s mouth. It smashes on the floor, splattering blood. $12.97.

LEVIATHAN (BLOOD) RED 2009
The fluttering sound descends behind them. They whirl to find a seriously pissed off Dracula. “That was a particularly fine vintage you spilled.” He bares his fangs and advances. Sterling leaps behind the barrel, shouting, “Caymus, quickly!” They hoist the barrel and tip it. Dracula screams, “No!” The barrel crashes to the floor and splinters, waves of blood bursting forth. (TURN OVER TO CONTINUE)
Dracula drops to his knees in panic, scooping up blood with a wine glass. Sterling yanks a sharp, broken stave from the barrel. Leaps toward Dracula and drives the stave through his evil heart. Dracula shrieks and falls in a lifeless heap.

Sterling sighs with relief. Pours himself a glass of this delightful Napa Valley blend of Syrah, Merlot, Cabernet, and Cabernet Franc and relishes its “briar fruit, cherries, cedar, chocolate, pepper, and cinnamon aromas that are echoed on the full-bodied palate.” “All in a day’s work, right, Caymus?” He turns to find his friend in the grasp of Vella Rose, now a vampire herself! “All in a day’s death would be more accurate,” she hisses.

“Wait!” Sterling exclaims, as she bends to sink her fangs into Caymus’s neck. Sterling proffers his glass. “This is much better, I promise.” “It couldn’t be.” “But it is. So rich and delicious, so mesmerizingly sinful, so tantalizingly decadent. It is entirely worthy of a woman as beautiful as you.”

She pauses, unable to resist his charm. He makes quick eye contact with Caymus, who stomps on her foot. She howls in rage. Sterling throws the Leviathan in her face, blinding her. He snatches another broken stave and stabs her through the chest. “Now that’s impressive cleavage,” he mutters as she collapses, dead.

“Close one, boss,” Caymus says with gratitude. “Weren’t you worried?” “Of course not. I had wine in my hand, and we know there’s nothing it can’t do.” They smile and leave. “Let’s go taste some wine. I hear there’s a fun event going on at this cool little place in San Marcos.”